Reprieve

You are
A mistake
I can never fix
Yellow friend
False friend
I know hate
Because I loved


And you are
The one who burns
In my secret fire
You burn with the old me
The smoke
Fills my life with the stench of
Regret
Regret that defines you

I gave you my secrets
You attacked
With lies
And I believed you
Believed you cared for me
But you wanted to break me
Break
Every
Bone
In the girl
I once was

I could blame you
For the burning mess
For the havoc
For the complete destruction
Of me

Instead I thank you
For letting me burn myself
And rebuild myself
Stronger and without
Any need for support
Without any need
For you

I thank you for
Teaching me about grudges
You know
Sometimes there should be
No reprieve

Spinning wheel

Today is not the day
To crumble
I tell myself
Leaned over the granite countertop
Staring at the puddle of tears
I’m not as strong as I want to be
As I seem to be
As I need to be

The moments of happiness in my life
Are like fireflies
Blinking in and out of sight
But now it’s dawn
And there’s nothing but ambient light
I picture the sun rising like a beacon behind me
And I just can’t turn around

But there is no sun behind me
No specks of light on the horizon
And tomorrow I’ll just run another circle
Around my spinning wheel
And pray that my work and effort will pay off
I want a life that teaches me humility
Instead of insulting my intelligence